Thursday, July 21, 2011

Opening up about TTC

In the past I have been reluctant to talk to my CNM (certified nurse midwife) about being unsuccessful at trying to conceive. I am not ready for tests or to allow myself to be labeled "infertile." The thought is so depressing to me. But on the same token, I don't want to ignore problems if there are any. I find myself conflicted on what to do. I know when it feels right to discuss things with my health care provider, I will. Until that point, I will do what I can to be healthy and just keep on trying.

Recently I had my yearly exam and was so conflicted about whether or not to discuss trying to conceive. She already had it noted in my chart that I was not on birth control and was using natural family planning. She merely asked, if I was still using natural family planning and I just said yes. End of discussion. I totally chickened out. Well, I guess I just wasn't ready to talk about it.

This morning on an unexpected surge of courage, I called my midwife. I talked on the phone with her for several minutes about trying to conceive. She told me she could tell from our last visit that I was withholding something and that she hoped to hear from me. (I seriously love her. She treats me like a friend and never a patient.) She understood how I felt about not wanting to jump into tests or treatment and suggested that the only thing I do is add ovulation predictor kits to tracking my BBT. It's not necessary but could potentially help, so why not? I feel so much better now that I talked to her about it. I didn't feel pressured into doing anything I wasn't ready to do. It was nice talking to her about my concerns and feelings regarding trying to conceive. I feel a lot better about continuing on our path towards having another baby. I don't want it to be a medicalized process and hope that I don't ever need it to be. But I suppose if it does, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

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