Sunday, July 31, 2011


My life is good. I have a loving family, wonderful friends and a job I enjoy. So why is stress creeping into my life? I don't feel stressed. I don't have reason to be stressed. But my body is practically screaming to me that I am stressed. Lately I am not sleeping well and when I wake up I have to pry my jaws apart because I've been clenching my jaw all night long. My neck and shoulder muscles are also really tight and feel tense constantly. These are definite signs of stress.

I really try to relax. I honestly do. I meditate and practice yoga. I keep stress triggers to a minimum. I don't really know what's going to cause this. I'm getting a little tired of it. I need a decent night's sleep! I need to work the knots out of my neck and shoulders. I need to relax. I need a vacation. Not a trip per se, but a vacation from life for a bit; just a change in routine and some time to recharge. The only problem is, where do I fit that into my schedule?!

I think I might have time next week, or the week after...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Opening up about TTC

In the past I have been reluctant to talk to my CNM (certified nurse midwife) about being unsuccessful at trying to conceive. I am not ready for tests or to allow myself to be labeled "infertile." The thought is so depressing to me. But on the same token, I don't want to ignore problems if there are any. I find myself conflicted on what to do. I know when it feels right to discuss things with my health care provider, I will. Until that point, I will do what I can to be healthy and just keep on trying.

Recently I had my yearly exam and was so conflicted about whether or not to discuss trying to conceive. She already had it noted in my chart that I was not on birth control and was using natural family planning. She merely asked, if I was still using natural family planning and I just said yes. End of discussion. I totally chickened out. Well, I guess I just wasn't ready to talk about it.

This morning on an unexpected surge of courage, I called my midwife. I talked on the phone with her for several minutes about trying to conceive. She told me she could tell from our last visit that I was withholding something and that she hoped to hear from me. (I seriously love her. She treats me like a friend and never a patient.) She understood how I felt about not wanting to jump into tests or treatment and suggested that the only thing I do is add ovulation predictor kits to tracking my BBT. It's not necessary but could potentially help, so why not? I feel so much better now that I talked to her about it. I didn't feel pressured into doing anything I wasn't ready to do. It was nice talking to her about my concerns and feelings regarding trying to conceive. I feel a lot better about continuing on our path towards having another baby. I don't want it to be a medicalized process and hope that I don't ever need it to be. But I suppose if it does, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.